I have been fighting the whole weight battle since 5th grade, as far as I can remember. My grandparents must have been concerned because I can always remember hearing them say that she always thins out a little in the summer, I guess that came from spending so much time outside playing;back then kids had no choice but to go outside and play, and I enjoyed every minute of it.
I also enjoyed many of the comfort foods and was allowed to eat in front of the TV, when my parents divorced and even before that my Mom was always working or sleeping from working to much so my comfort came from TV and the comfy sitcoms, The Lucille Ball Show, Beverly Hillbillies, Alice, All in the Family so on and so forth.
Every summer was going to be MY SUMMER to get that weight off and go back to school LOOKIN GOOD. Problem with that was I was always going to start first thing in the morning or maybe Monday, days and weeks gone by its September and no weight gone but more pounds on. Repeat every year.
I can only remember ever having 2 boyfriends and I really did not like them, it was'nt like I had boys falling at my feet. I was always the nice girl every guys BUDDY. I think I had more guy friends than girlfriends. I was the one always setting someone up when really deep down I wished it was me going out with him.
Went to one school dance and that was with a group of friends, most of them were asked to dance, ME, I just made sure the tile in my area stayed on the floor. Never went to prom, never was asked, BUT was I ever so glad because my excuse to cover it up was I didnt like wearing dresses anyhow!
I remember in 1989 or 1990 I went to the doc for my yearly inspection and remember getting on the scale and seeing the number 195. I thought HOLY CRAP, where did that come from, like I didn't know, DUH! I thought, I will not reach 200 Lbs, that is HUGE! OBESE! Thats not me. I''ll get it off.
Wedding 1990........-In 1988 I met a man that 1 year and a half or so later would soon be my husband. We were just friends for the longest time although I fell in love with him shortly after we met. I protected myself by telling everyone that we were just GOOD FRIENDS, that way when he moved or his friends came back in from deployment no one would feel sorry for me because they knew how much I liked him. I knew he didn't like me that way because whoever wants the FAT GIRL? His friends came back and he still hung around, I even gave him the ok to go and be with his friends so that way he would think I was all right with it, he said no he did'nt want to. Our realtionship blossomed and we married in 1990. I think he was the first person whom I ever felt comfortable with to talk about being overweight, He even knew my actual weight!
He has seen me through many different diets and issues, he has always there. Accepts me for who I am weight and all.
After marriage I gained more weight, I loved to cook for him and loved trying out new recipies. We ate pretty good, homemade and processed foods. I CAN cook! The job I held at the time was no help, a bunch of women and we all loved to EAT! We always had some kind of potluck going on or was meeting somewhere to eat on Fridays after work. I remember buying nice serving dishes and loading up on the Tupperware, always wanting the pretty dish to take food in. My life was all about food. It was my comfort! I could always count on it! We had a Hardees across he street from my job and just about every morning someone including me would holler out, Does anyone want anything from HARDEES? Orders were placed on an envelope, money inside and off they would go.
TYPICAL BREAKFAST : 2 Sausage Biscuts, Hashrounds, Lrg Sweet Tea and 2 cinnamon raisin biscuts
OR Biscuts and Gravy, and all the above
OR Chicken Biscut and all the above.
I was also the CLOSET EATER.
You know the story,
You go to pick up dinner order a little something extra to eat on the way home that way no one knows how much you really eat ( like they can't tell) put any wrappers in your purse and the receipt so you can throw it away later or leave it in the car and get it in the morning.
OR.....You ate before you went somewhere and then your friends or family were going to eat so you would eat again even though you were'nt really hungry.
OR..... Could NOT wait until after everyone finally went to bed because that was my time to CHOW! I would by things for specific nights like Bean dip with chips, frozen pizzas, salsa. Even go to a drive thru order some extras tuck them away in the fridge to pull them out and eat later after everyone went to bed.
YEP I sure could eat!
Birth of first child- Did pretty good all the extra was gone by the time I returned back to work.
In between I gained it back and then some.
Gallbladder! What pains that caused. Three attaks later I end up in the emergency room to find out I was a good candidate for that because I fell in what they called the 4 F's
FAT (are you serious?)
Fertile
Female
and Forty. (I was only 23)
Ultrasound later and it was confirmed, I had gallstones. Schedule surgery.
July of 93.......... I had my gallbladder removed.
I am going to start taking care of myself now. Eat right, exercising, all the right things, that was scary.
August 93....... pregnant with child number 2.
Did'nt eat as healthy that time around and the weight stayed the same and soon after I was back to my old habits.
October 95....... going to stay home and be a Mom to my kids and start my own little daycare.
WOW the weight came on, financial difficulties from the switching of jobs it took awhile to get the business built, no more friends to be at work with, bored, blah blah blah.
midyear 1997......Go to the doc because I was having really bad heartburn, worried me because I thought I would be having a heart attack soon.
Go in tell her my symptoms, she does some blood work and I have to go back in two weeks to have it all done again. I did find out however that I had acid reflux, she gives me medicine tells me some foods to stay away from and also says that if I drop some weight that would help tremendously. By this time I find out I am now @ 241 lbs. remember I am 5'2''. Well I guess you would'nt remember that because I did not ay that yet. She also said I should quit smoking. How am I suppose to do all that!
Back in two weeks for more blood work and she let me know that I was borderline diabetic. Great what know. I go to some diabetes classes to learn things to control it, how to eat right how to use my little machine to check my blood levels etc......
Now I am going to change my lifestyle get off my FAT SOFA and try to move more.
I worked out, controlled my eating and got down to 214.2 lbs. by August 18th 2001. At that time I decided to join Weight Watchers again because I was needing some help, I started slacking off getting back into my old habits and did'nt think I really was diabetic. Went to different doctor told him I has symptoms of diabetes and wanted to be checked blood work came back and it all looked fine. Either I had controlled it and was doing well or the old doctor was trying to scare me and give me a reality check. Stopped Weight wathcers in February 2002 weighing in at 211.6.
I have joined Weight Watchers several times im my life and 15 times that I can vouch for because I kept my membership books. I have also tried the following diets in my lifetime:
Protein Diets
Low fat Diets
E-diets
Dr.Phil
Fat Burning Pills
Susan Powder
Calorie and carb Counting
My Own
Starvation
T-Zone
Sugar Busters
Slim Fast
and several others
Also would like to note that I have never been the athletic type always thought I hated PE class and all that came along with it.
This should bring me close to the present.
After my WW meeting this morning I decided this might be a good thing to start. My leader was talking about keeping a journal, not only the food we eat but all the thoughts in our heads to get it out, its like a release. I also know that there are so many people just like me and If I can ever help anyone or if anyone has suggestions for me I am open for any inspiration, advice, or suggestions. Food is an addiction and its so hard to get away from its always around. We can't run from it, we need it to live. I have to learn how to respect it.
